A Journey Called 'Life'....

Life!!! The very word symbolizes and generates a lot of positive energy. A new born baby’s first cry, a seed germinating into a plant, the life of a great person, a person coming back to life after being in a coma...

I flip through the pages of the dictionary and stop at the page, which defines life. Common definitions of ‘life’ include:
- condition that distinguishes animals and plants from earth, rocks, etc.
- all living things
- state of existence as a human being
- period between birth and death; period since one’s birth
- way of living

Wow! These five different definitions quite summarize life in an entirety. But what does life really mean to me? Life often throws a million questions at me. Where am I headed? What does the future have in store for me? What are my goals in life? What do I really want to achieve in life? These questions have been at the back of my mind for quite sometime now. I have answers to some of them but am confident that in due course of time I will be able to answer the rest.

Its 8:15 a.m. and I stand here at the bus stand waiting for the company bus to arrive. I stand here in the same manner as I did a few years back waiting for my college bus. Little did I know then, that things would change so much in 2 years. The sky under which I am standing
seems to be looking at me and smiling. :) It is perhaps the only thing that has acted as a silent witness.. watching the transformation of a loud and bubbly person into a quiet professional.

I wouldn't blame professionalism for the change though. It is destiny, or may be you could call it life. Yes ‘Life’, mysterious in the true sense, for one does not understand why you see hundreds of people everyday, work with so many, and still remain lonely.

I am now seating on the first seat in the bus, a seat reserved exclusively for ladies. I’m looking out of the window watching people trying to catch up with "life". Office goers rushing to work, housewives going through their morning chores, school children waiting for their school bus. It's a 20 minutes journey and the only company that I generally have in the bus is the chatter of my colleagues in the background.

I can't help thinking about the 1 hour long bus journey to high school... Well it's a paradox to call a distance of 12 kms "long", especially since my brother covers the same distance in 10 minutes but that is how it has always seemed.

The distance to college too from the Mapusa Bus Stand was 3 kms but the bus normally took half an hour. A typical college day always began in the bus with all the familiar faces; you look forward to all your friends getting in the bus. We would also look forward to the reasonless giggles; the silly jokes and the loud laughter that followed which made the one-hour lectures seem so much shorter.

Well, as I said it was a different life then. The pleasant memories of my school and college life are in itself good enough to save me from the misery of the bus journey.

The bus has just reached the company and I wait for all the males to alight. Of course in the evening it’s a different story cause I’m one of the first Welspunites to alight from the bus. I don’t feel bad or distraught. After all don’t these men have their wives at home with a ready meal whereas I have to undergo the routine task of going through the daily household chores...

From the glass window in front of me I notice that the line has come to an end and it is time for me to get off the bus. I nod at the guard as he passes a relieved look after checking all the males. A short walk to the time office and I’m done with punching my card. I flash a smile of acknowledgement to all the known strangers that I see as I approach my cubicle. A few of my colleagues greet me with their morning wishes and as always, we exchange our pleasantries. Its Saturday and discussions jump to the weekend plans and I wonder what I'd do over the weekend.

It would be just another Sunday staring at my cell phone, wishing it would ring and bring back some wonderful moments that are now missing in my life or maybe the safer option would be to just busy myself with Sunday spring cleaning, for the company provided flat is my new founded asylum on Sundays.

A year back, weekends or weekdays didn't matter to me, I was always busy. I always stood doubting the authenticity of the wall clock that seemed to be running too fast to perceive its movement. Alas, now it seems as though my clock is suffering from some kind of paralytic attack.

There is a time in life, where one needs to go ahead, leaving behind your friends and carrying along only memories. You do make new friends, but then you can never let go of the old close ones ... you do meet people who'd be so good to you that you could tell them anything and everything, but you find it tough to find a person to whom you needn't say things ... friends who just know you. Occasional calls from such friends, have been the only thing that I seem to look forward to now... However, I can’t help but notice the uneasy pause that lingers around such conversations.. A pause not because of the relationship, but because it is too short a duration to say everything, and of course you cannot completely rule out the paucity of words!

As I look outside the office window, I tell myself, may be there will be a day when things will change, when life will offer a rewind, a recap of all the events and I just have to wait.

Capricious are the ways of life, for I know there would be many who'd be able to empathize with me, ironically, even the dear ones that I miss this moment, waiting perhaps!!!

Cause I’ve now realized that we often embark on various journeys. But the greatest journey from birth to death is the journey of life itself.

And so I pledge to take one day at a time......